The Ramblings of an Active Mind ……………………………… Elizabeth Tobolski Dudak

Nifty Fifty

So, I turned 50 yesterday.  It was a yikes moment, although it didn’t hit me as hard as I thought.  I can’t stop it and the alternative to stopping it just seem to sit well with me.  I don’t know.  Maybe I’m denial.  I mean, I don’t feel 50.  I still have these teenage thoughts running in my head.  Thank GOD I do not have teenage angst running through me.  Which brings me to my point, there are so many great things about turning 50.

First, my skin finally fits perfectly and I am comfortable in it.  I have finally embraced how I am.  For example, I am messy and disorganized.  Papers are scattered in a catch-all basket, clothes are strewn all around my room, I still haven’t completely unpacked from last weekends jot out of town and one of my mourning rituals is to run around looking for my car keys.  After 50 years, I haven’t changed any of it and I figure at this point, I mind as well embrace it.  Somehow, the world has not collapsed around me….yet.

Second, I have started to accept my strengthens.  Now, this may seem easy, yet it has been hard one for me.  You don’t just breakout from self-doubt overnight.    For every “I did this great” or “I like this about myself” I think or say…not to anyone BUT myself mind you… I follow it with a buts – “but, I could have done better” or “but I need to work on this”.  I am learning to drop the rest of the sentence I add on at the end.  It’s an odd sensation and a struggle, BUT I am getting it.

Third, I am learning to like my reflection.  I’ve never put much effort into my looks.  And for the past year,  I have cared less.  Don’t get me wrong, I do the basic hygienic necessities, however, most recently, the other things don’t matter as much.  I sport a low maitenance haircut.  I still don’t dye my hair – never have –  and my hair products last a longer time.  I spend five minutes on make up… if I put it on at all.  My clothes are pratical and not extravegent or expensive.  I wish they had Granimals for adults and I’d be all over that.  I wear shoes for comfort.  This sprang out of necessity, but I have learned to work my clunky shoes.  Finally, I never starve.  I think if I tried, not only would I be crabby – never a good thing –  my hip bones are too large to look normal in any other body I now own.  I like my soft curves – yes, I am sticking with that romantic term. Anyway, I think I have come to realize, a joke, a laugh,  a smile, a wink, a kind word and  a caring moment  are what matter and radiates beauty…handsomeness.

Now, I’m not 100 percent self-confident yet, but boy am I closer.  And when I don’t feel it, I fake it.   I figure if I  pretend long enough, I may actually believe it.  And isn’t that nifty at 50?


Comments on: "Nifty Fifty" (1)

  1. You go, girl!

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